My daughter is almost three and she is having trouble sharing. What can I do to help her learn to share?
Parents often ask me this question, but as I work with children individually, I have not had the opportunity to hone my ability to teach sharing skills. When my own daughter had trouble sharing, it was her nursery school teacher Susan Hoffman, M.A. that taught me what I needed to know.
Years have passed and I continue to share the same advice Susan gave me with the families I work with. Either one of the following suggestions, or a combination of the suggestions on the list below have helped children learn to share.
Please appreciate that your two year old daughter is still at the parallel play level. She may have trouble understanding that another child could want the same toy.
1. Have your daughter bring a snack to share with her class – maybe cookies. Her teachers should point out how happy she has made her classmates and that there are cookies left over when she shares.
2. If your daughter and another child want the same toy, say “I’m looking at my watch and my watch is telling me that Julie gets the train for two more minutes and then it’s Joey’s turn.”
3. You can ask two children having trouble sharing: “Hmmm – There are two children that want to play with the train. Who had the train first?” Two year old children generally admit who had it first as they may not know how to lie yet. Then follow-up with: “Oh Joey had it first…” and follow the scenario mentioned in number two (above) allowing Joey to play with the train first.
4. Finally, don’t put pressure on your daughter to share. When my daughter came out of class, the first thing I asked her was “Did you share today?” A better question is: Who did you play with today? This type of questioning may lead to a more natural discussion, providing positive feedback.